Right from perceiving attraction, cultivating thoughts & feelings, building desire, communicating emotions, sharing intimacy to executing physical actions in all forms of sex, our brain handles every action, emotion, feeling, and arousal- making brain as our largest sex organ. It's the reason we see, feel, process, experience, communicate, and interact with different pleasure practices in our daily lives. In a fast-paced, stereotypical society, the ways we perceive and experience pleasure heavily influence the way we share this intimate act with self and others. The lessons we learn about our bodies and sex can constantly make us feel guilty or associate it with shame. This can intensify if one has experienced trauma and/or assault of any kind. Living about the expectations of our society professionally and personally further contributes to the multifaceted stress we experience in our daily life. The shame we experience about sex is complicated and diverse, but it affects everyone in the same way.
Rarely do we consider that these everyday micro and macro stressors affect our sexual experiences and cause/add to our sexual problems. Our brain remembers what we teach or learn about sexuality. By relying on the patterns that our brain already uses, we can actually improve our sex lives.
Training our brains to intentionally unlearn these messages and receive pleasure, our body will be receptive to enhance pleasure and improve overall sexual quality of life.
Fortunately, our brain has the potential of learning and adapting to experiences we expose it to- aka neuroplasticity. This is exactly what we unpack in this blog piece. Here you will find a few ways in which you can invite intentional pleasure and allow your brain to bring mindful pleasure routines into your life.
Here are some actionable ways to intentionally use your brain to invite pleasure:
1. Plan your encounters:
Sex does not need to be spontaneous in order to be fulfilling. It’s wonderful to schedule sex, especially if you are planning to experiment. Scheduling and preparing for sex gets you in the practice of communicating about sex (applicable for both solo and partnered adventures) and adds the element of anticipation which can further enhance your desire by creating a space for this intimate occupation.
2. Prioritize solo exploration:
Psychologically, something slightly different happens during solo masturbation as opposed to sharing this experience with other(s). We have a committed intention. Often, the conscious goal of masturbation is to orgasm. I’d suggest that a more empowering goal is to experience pleasure, as orgasming sets an end goal depriving you of a genuine multisensory experience. Do not limit your exploration to genitals- get creative. Try naked dancing, a different position for self stimulation, warming up the lube, using fragrances, and so much more. Tailor this unique experience to things you wanted to try or trying things you love a little differently.
3. Talk about your pleasure:
It’s uncomfortable to talk about intimate needs because we have been taught to shush when we talk about sex. Let's change that and start practicing. Talk about sex and what brings you pleasure with yourself, your partner(s), your friends, or anyone you feel safe with in a non-sexual context. You don’t need to be in a relationship to practice empowered sexual communication. If you are already comfortable talking about pleasure in a non-sexual context, get creative with dirty talk! Honestly, this entire pleasure practice is to help you get creative and break the monotonous practice of orgasm and penetration-centric practices.
See what helps you focus and prioritize your pleasure and feelings of empowerment. Notice what triggers/block this practice and helps you get back into it. Some of these intentional practices may not work for you, while others could invite pleasure for better. Give yourself time to get to know your brain as a sexual organ and its' boundless capabilities.