Our body comes equipped with mechanisms that are meant to keep us well and alive, gag reflex being one of them. Gag reflex is a protective reflex which is triggered when an unusually large object reaches the area around the tonsils, the uvula, the roof of the mouth, and the back of the throat to avoid swallowing or digesting it from getting lodged in your throat. Almost always this is an incredibly helpful mechanism, but sometimes it can feel like a hinderance, especially during blow jobs.
Gag reflex is generally evoked when one deep throats (when you the penis or the dildo are all the way down your throat) during oral sex or if the penis or the dildo touch any sensitive areas of the mouth for a particular individual. Before we begin talking about techniques to train ourselves, I will need you to remember the following things:
Please do not feel obligated to deep throat unless it brings you the same kind of pleasure as it does to your partners. It is not a performance and what you saw in porn is not your competition.
Do what feels natural. Do not push your body past its natural limits and neither should your partners pressurize you for doing so. Period.
Not all blow jobs are about how well you can deep throat. Oral sex is a skill that you need to practice, develop, and continue only when you feel comfortable and find it pleasurable.
That being said, let's get into the interesting part!
BREATH AND START WITH YOUR FINGERS/TOOTHBRUSH
Take your pointer finger or the end of your toothbrush and place it on the tip of your tongue and hold it there as you try to breathe deeply in through your nose until you and your jaw feel relaxed. Move your finger/toothbrush back a little, hold it, take a deep breath and try to relax. Repeat this process until you get to the point where your gag reflex gets triggered. Keep your finger/toothbrush on that spot and focus on your breathing until you feel the reaction starts to subside.
Once you’ve mastered one finger, repeat the whole process with two fingers, toys, and so on. Patience and practice is the key hence, working on it regularly can work wonders for developing your skills.
Note: At any point, if the gag reflex feels too strong, take your finger/brush out, give yourself a break, then try again.
USE YOUR HAND...OR HANDS
Blow jobs not just about using your head; your hands can be an essential tool that you aren't using to your benefit. Not only do they help you control how deeply the penis penetrates your mouth, but also provide your partners with a blended stimulation.
Focus your mouth on the head of the penis (which has more nerves than the rest of it) and the frenulum (the base of the head of the penis) while your hands can:
wrap around the base of the penis (with some ball action) or move in an up and down
be one over the other, and slide them up and down in tandem as you lick the head
gently twist your as you move them up and down the shaft
Note: Keep a lubricant handy if you decide on including some hand action to avoid any pain caused by friction or extra pressure of the hands.
CHANGE YOUR POSITION
Most people perform oral when their partners are lying flat on the bed or standing. Both of these positions are not ideal since your throat is at a 90-degree angle. It’s easy for the head of the penis to hit the back of your throat, triggering the gag reflex. Instead, try lying on your back with your head draped over the edge, and have your partner approach you while standing or kneeling (depending on the height of your bed). This makes your throat straight and easier to penetrate.
This position can be uncomfortable for some in which case use a pillow wedge/pillow or rolled towels to support your shoulder and neck. Go really slow at first and communicate with your partner until you feel comfortable.
SLOW DOWN AND FOCUS ON THE HEAD
You do not have to go at a breakneck speed during a blow job. This type of movement is an open invitation to gagging. Keep your head relatively still, and focus on licking and/or sucking. You can move up and down a bit, but you don’t need to do much. There is a reason why I said, it's a skill! Try to focus on the head and the frenulum and try some of these techniques:
Wrap your lips around the base of his head and suck. Use your tongue in swirling movements to stimulate as you create a dual stimulation.
As an extension to the above technique, move your hands along the shaft, around the perineum, the anus, and the balls.
Keep your tongue wide and flat, and lick the seam on the underside of his head.
RESPECT YOUR LIMITS
We all have our physical limits when it comes to sex and acknowledging that is the first step to stop feeling guilty if you cannot do something sexually with your partners. Trying to improve your sexual skills is one thing, but forcing yourself to be perfect at it is unrealistic. As much as you might practice, you might never feel fully comfortable giving an intense blow job. Some cannot deep throat, no matter how much they practice. Try to reset your sexpectations and focus on exploring how you measure your sexual self worth.
If you truly want to explore this, the techniques I mentioned above should definitely help you, but don’t be too hard on yourself or force yourself to do anything you don't want. If blow jobs still feel challenging for you, do not forget there are many ways to replicate and enhance such stimulations.
Always remember, oral sex might be all about giving, but it is still supposed to be pleasurable for all the people involved.