Kink play may seem trendy, but it has existed since the beginning of time. Kink, as a term, is used to describe sexual practices that do not fall under the umbrella of mainstream sex. Kink isn’t deviant or the type of sex only queer people have. Kink is for everyone and everyone is kinky! It may not look the same way for everyone and most people do not realize that many of their sexual practices do include kink play. But before we get explorative, let’s begin with the essentials.
Where to Begin
The world of kink play is as unique and widespread as the individuals who participate in it. There's no right way to do it, but there is a right way to experiment and find what works for you and your partner(s). So, a good place to learn about kink is start exploring and communicating about what would you like to do or feel when you shift from your regular sexual routine. If you are still clueless, you can take inspiration from sex-positive blogs, ethical eroticas, reddit pages, etc. on how to build a kink play for yourself. If you wish to include your partner(s)(s), in that case, make sure you have a conversation (in a non-sexual context) about what/how you would like to try kink play together.
Remember, kink play is all about communication, creativity, and care. Having safe words, checking in before and during the play, and learning how to take care of yourself and your partner(s)(s) during and after the play are key ingredients to good sex. No matter how experimental, safe sex is good sex!
Now that we have covered the basics, let’s get into the fun stuff and understand individual kink plays.
Anal play or *butt stuff* as it is commonly known is by definition a form of kink play, but it’s so common that it could arguably be taken off the list. I choose to include it here because while anal sex is rather common in the queer community, there are still a lot of other ways to engage in anal play even without having to be fulling penetrated such as rimming, or the act of using your tongue around the exterior of someone's anus. Or vibrating butt plugs or prostate wands which can help to stimulate the prostate. And most importantly, the under the butt booty tap, which if done in a rhythmic, and engaging pattern, specifically on the upper portion of the thigh, can even cause “buttgasms” (it’s a real thing!) for some partners. However, before you attempt to throw that ass back, I would suggest a stretch and lube. Lots and lots of lube.
ROLE & FANTASY PLAY
Role play is one of the most common type of fetish play in which everyone can use costumes, make up scenarios, and pull out the big creative guns. It can often be a derivative of fantasies like the classic boss and employee, getting outdoors, massage therapist, having sex with a stranger, or can be more intense like enacting consensual rape, monogamish practices or include power dynamics like being an authoritarian figure (cop, doctor, pilot, etc.). Whatever it may be, it encourages partners to step out of their comfort zone and sexual routine and broaden their sexual repertoire.
ROPEWORK & BONDAGE
Rope bondage is a form of dominance combined with fantasy and sensory deprivation play where the feeling of restraint and loss of control heighten pleasure and anticipation by compensating using the other senses. In rope bondage, one partner ties the other one using various techniques and positions depending on what they like which can be purely a fantasy play or focuses on the more artistic side in the form of shibari.
Role reversal holds a very wide spectrum of possibilities within kink play, and can vary from slightly less aggressive expressions like pegging (with or without a strap on) to more intense, dominance-submissive role switches in the bedroom. The versatile nature of the play type leaves it open for you and your partner(s) to get as wild, or not, as you all please. For the beginner, a good way to start is by switching things up in the bedroom in a small way. If your partner(s) is typically the one to initiate sex, take on their role to be the one to spice things up in the bedroom first; redefine the typical giver-receiver roles that exist in your relationship. Then, if you feel inclined to do so, move onto bolder territories; steal a few of your favorite moves your partner(s) uses on you, to try out on them. Take control of your sex schedule and make them an offer to join you in the bedroom, bathroom, living room, or any other *safe* place that they just can’t refuse.
Orgasm denial typically refers to the act of elongating or lengthening out the time before one partner(s) allows another to cum something like edging, but there are also a lot of other aspects of orgasm denial which are just as fun to explore too. At the top of the list? Touch restraint or teasing; during this method one partner(s) will hint at the idea of touching or nearly touching the other with their lips, finger, or other body parts. And just when it seems like things are about to heat up, cooling it down to just the right temperature before going back in. The important thing to remember here is that the secret to successful orgasm denial play is anticipation. It’s making your partner(s) think that they are going to get what they want, or what you had initially hinted at, and moments before you do—keeping it away from them at all costs. It could be as simple as breathing on your partner(s)'s neck or blowing on their lips before you kiss them, or something more intense like starting and stopping oral sex right before your partner(s) cums to make their climax last longer. The possibilities are endless, and luckily for you, you get to be in control of them.
Sensation play sounds very sweet, but it doesn’t always have to be. The majority of sensation play involves you or your partner(s) creating intense or semi-intense sensory experiences on the other’s body. This can include a wide range of things to explore. For starters, let’s talk about touch—it can be soft like using a cloth or feature tool to lightly tickle or make it more intense by using nipple clamps or pinwheels which have spiky little tools that you can run up and down the skin or trace their body with. Next up is temperature and this can be explored with a multitude of things like using a warming or cooling the lube, or using ice cubes, cooling your stainless steel and glass toys, wax play, etc. Sensation play can also be paired with elements of power and fantasy play to increase the sensual impact. The best part about sensation play is that unlike others, it’s not inherently dangerous, but the payouts are just as big as the rest.
POWER & ROLE PLAY
Power play refers to dominant/submissive roles that are often played out in the BDSM community. In these relationships, the submissive partner(s)(s) consents to give up all control, surrender and obey the dominant partner(s). What happens after that—whether it's bondage, spanking, rough sex or fantasy play—is totally up to you. Like I said, kink play asks for you to be creative!
As the name suggests, impact play includes one partner(s) causing an impact or force on the body part of the other partner(s) either through their own hand (spanking or slapping) or a third-party tool (i.e. whip or paddle) during or before a sexual encounter. It’s not the easiest kink to participate in by yourself, but as with any other kink play, it is best to start slow and to communicate with your sexual partner(s) often about what level of force—and where to direct said force—is most pleasurable for all of you during your experience. Having a safe word or sign to slow down or terminate the play is always a smart choice to not get drifted away in the feeling of doing it. However, once that is figured out, no place is off limits. You could try a light slap to the face, a smack on the thigh, or the most traditional of the bunch, a firm spank on the butt. Their body is your playground; go ahead and have a little fun with it!
SENSORY DEPRIVATION PLAY
If you ever fantasized about being in a Christian Grey film/book, sensory deprivation play might be for you! Sensory deprivation play is the action of subtracting one or multiple sensory experiences within your sex practice as a way to increase arousal and anticipation in the bedroom. Common SDP tools are things like blindfolds, or eye blockers, ear plugs, and even nose pinchers. Less common (but still very exciting) tools are hand restraints (i.e. handcuffs) and gag balls. Both of which intersect rather well with other elements of bondage or breath play, which, if you’re looking for a more intense play session is a very nice double whammy.
And that’s all folx! Now it is your time to shine bright, make me proud and help yourself experience the best sex you ever had and will have.
R E S O U R C E S
Sex Bloggers https://www.kinkly.com/top-sex-bloggers
Rope Bondage Guide https://ewsingles.com/rope-bondage-guide/
Shibari Bondage Guide https://www.autostraddle.com/shibari-101-japanese-rope-bondagse-350309/
Edging and Orgasm Control https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/edging-orgasm-control
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