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Virtual Sex 101

hey (with the intention of having virtual sex)

What is virtual sex?

Virtual sex is an erotic exchange via any digital platform. Virtual sex is not just about phone or video sex, but an expansive world of where sex meets tech! This means sexting, sending nudes, sex over a video call, Snapchat sexing, Bluetooth or Wi-Fi supported toys, exchanging audio notes, using virtual reality porn or gaming all qualify as virtual sex.

Why virtual sex?

Post COVID, many of us experience social anxiety which make intimate relationships seem challenging. Some of us even find physical touch triggering, in such cases virtual sex is a blessing that is helping people explore their sensuality and encouraging partners to stay connected with their sexual creativity. As the world went virtual, it actually served as a great alternative of doing it without actually having to do it.

Virtual sex also made sex less about the “goals” and more about the pleasure as it involves communication and using our senses rather than just focusing on penetration and orgasming. It’s an ongoing pleasure journey for as long as you like! And the best part? It stimulates our biggest erogenous zone—the brain by using anticipation and imagination as the key tool. It is plain, good fun and who doesn’t want that for their pleasure?

Where to begin?

  1. Comfort first: Assess your comfort zone and ask yourself how you feel about vitual sex. What feels safe, what is off-limits for you, what are you comfortable sending (text, image, audio, videos,etc.), how do you want to engage in virtual sex, what do you want to explore or not explore with your partner(s) are a few ways to understand and expand your comfort zone.

  2. Communicate: Sex is always better when you and your partner(s) are not stressed. If it is your first time trying virtual sex, take it slow and see what it comfortable for you. You do not directly have to hop on virtual sex party. If you want to introduce this idea to your partner(s), you can open the conversation saying, “how do you feel about __ (name the thing you want to do)” or “I’m in the mood for ___, would you be interested in joining me?”. Your partner(s) do not owe you sex, so it always good to ASK before you ASSUME they are into it.

  3. Fantasy land: Once you have your boundaries set and communicated, the sexy planning session can begin. You and your partner(s) can either decide to share your fantasies or you could again go by saying “want to hear a fantasy of mine?”. It is okay if you find sharing awkward, you can use those moments to appreciate your partner(s) actions instead like “I really loved how you ___”. Don’t sweat it and keep it simple!

  4. Get creative: Use a mirror, introduce a sex toy, add some temperature (ice cubes, cold/warm water) play, use your breath and moans to build desire, set the mood in your room or your chat, create a sex playlist—these are just some ideas to encourage you to get more creative with or without props!

  5. Sex is awkward: Let’s face it, sex is messy and clumsy. It is not perfect and guess what, it doesn’t have to be. Laugh it off, talk it out, and get back in business. There is no bigger aphrodisiac in the world than laughter. And if there is something you are not okay with, just let your partner(s) know by saying, “I liked it better when you/we did ___” or “would you like to try ___ with me?”. You are the sex god of your life so make it count!

How to enjoy safe virtual sex?

With great pleasure, comes great risks—such is the case with virtual sex.

Sex can never be a 100% safe, but it can be made safer if you decide to be smarter. Here are a few things to remember to protect yourself in the virtual world:

- Use an encrypted, safe app like Signal, Snapchat, and WhatsApp to protect your data. Before and after sending/receiving any data make sure to store them in password protected apps instead of Cl.

- Be subtle and smart about sending nudes. Do not always skip to the genitals, instead send some cheeky bit of stomach, thighs, lower back, lingerie or anything that can get their imagination firing.

- Take body shots in specific angles and do not include your face or any identifying marks like background photos, body tattoos, birthmarks, etc. If it’s difficult to get the right shot, keep an editing app handy to help you blur or erase things.

- Code your photos with different colors or filters for each sexual partner. This way you can be prepared to identify who leaked them if such a scenario arises.

- Establish boundaries and take consent about what needs to be shared, kept, and deleted. Always keep a screenshot/recording of this agreement as under section 354C in the Indian Penal Code leaking nude pictures and videos is a punishable offense. It is also illegal under IT section 66E so preserving the evidence can help you file a complaint at the local or cyber police station.

As a final note:

There is no shame in virtual intimacy. If you don't want it, that is okay. But if you do want to give it a try, that's cool too. Do what works best for you!

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